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Leadership coach, author and speaker Marilise de Villiers Basson transformed personal adversity into a mission to help others reclaim their voice and wellbeing after she walked away from an 18-year corporate career due to a prolonged experience of workplace bullying.
Her internationally published book, ROAR! How to Tame the Bully Inside and Out, has now been reissued for South African readers alongside MOAR! How to Play to Win Without Burning Out, the second instalment in her planned trilogy.
In this Q&A, she reflects on the lessons she has learnt about bullying, burnout, courageous leadership and personal transformation, and explains why authentic self-leadership may be the most important skill of the future.
MOAR! is also on the Exclusive Books Recommended Promotion for June.
Q: What inspired you to first write ROAR! in 2019, and how has your perspective evolved since then?
A: It was early 2018 in London. I was on garden leave, fresh out of an 18-year corporate career. After four years of being bullied, I was burnt out, feeling empty and without purpose.
At first I thought I was alone, but conversations with capable, high-performing corporate executives revealed that everyone had a relatable story. Everyone I spoke to had crossed paths with a bully at some point.
This made me angry, and I decided to shine a spotlight on workplace bullying: a silent epidemic. I also realised that in the process of being bullied, I bullied myself, hence the title How to Tame the Bully Inside and Out. You have to start with you.
Six years on, I understand that this inside-out transformation happens in layers. There is always a deeper level. You complete one cycle and life always invites you to go even deeper still. Next level, new devil.
Q: After it was published internationally, you retained the rights and have now reprinted ROAR! locally — what motivated that decision, and what does it mean for South African readers?
A: ROAR! is still very relevant today. I wanted to retain the rights to publish it locally because it is part of my curriculum, and it is important that South African readers can access the full trilogy: ROAR!, MOAR!, and eventually SOAR!, together.
Q: How did your personal journey as a coach and leader shape the frameworks you present in both books?
A: Everything I write about is based on lived experience. That lived experience is my curriculum. The ROAR! Blueprint, the four-step ROAR process, and the five-stage ROAR for MOAR Hero’s Journey are my core frameworks, which I use to help others ROAR for MOAR.
Q: What was the turning point in your career that made you focus on bullying and burnout as central issues?
A: In 2017, my boss publicly demoted me in the boardroom. By that point, after four years of being bullied, I was burnt out, feeling empty and without purpose.
This was my ‘enough is enough’ moment and I quit the next day. I share more about this in my TEDx Talk, Have You Found Your ROAR? — you can watch it on YouTube.
Q: Bullying is often hidden or minimised in workplaces. Why do you think it remains such a silent problem?
A: Most victims are afraid to speak up. They fear for their jobs, their reputations and retaliation. Navigating power structures in organisations is complex, and naming bullying often implicates those with the most power.
Culturally, we also struggle to distinguish between someone being demanding and someone being demeaning. It is human nature to try to justify or normalise the bully’s behaviour.
Q: Can you explain the dynamics between bully, victim and culture that you highlight in ROAR!?
A: In ROAR!, I call this the toxic trio. Much like the Fire Triangle — in which you need heat, oxygen and fuel for a fire to ignite — it is not possible for bullies to destruct and derail on their own.
You need a toxic trio: a bully, a victim and a workplace culture that is a breeding ground for bullying behaviour. Each member of the trio needs to take responsibility for their actions, or inactions.
Q: What are some of the most common pitfalls people fall into when confronting difficult personalities?
A: My own research shows that the most common responses to bullying are to keep quiet or to become defensive. Both play right into the bully’s hands.
Keeping quiet normalises the behaviour. Getting defensive is like throwing fuel on the fire. Most of us choose a fight, flight, freeze or fawn survival response when under attack.
Q: How does your step-by-step ROAR process help individuals build resilience and confidence?
A: The four-step ROAR process helps you to face the difficult conversations with yourself and others. It sits at the heart of the ROAR! Blueprint, a way to live your best life every day: on purpose, in your power and with the courage to speak your truth, the courage to ROAR.
ROAR stands for Recognise, Observe, Assert, Redirect. It transforms how you navigate every aspect of work and life, turning limiting conversations into empowering ones.
Q: What role do leaders play in either enabling or dismantling toxic workplace cultures?
A: Leaders play a crucial role, because every meaningful transformation happens at the intersection of personal courage, authentic leadership and safe cultures that make magic possible.
Leaders set the tempo through the vision they articulate, the resources they allocate and the energy they manage. When leaders are prepared to stand for what is right, toxic cultures cannot exist.
Q: How do you balance the call for courageous conversations with the need for psychological safety?
A: Psychological safety is a prerequisite for courageous conversations, which are by their nature high-stakes. For psychological safety to exist, people must feel safe to challenge the status quo.
We thrive in environments that respect us and allow us to show up as our whole selves. When leaders nurture psychological safety and people feel safe enough to speak up, there is an explosion of confidence, engagement and performance.
Q: In MOAR!, you challenge traditional wellbeing programmes. What do they often get wrong?
A: Traditional wellbeing programmes treat symptoms instead of root causes, without asking why people are so burnt out in the first place.
Yes, prioritising wellbeing is a personal responsibility. But leaders are equally responsible for creating environments where people can thrive and feel safe to speak up.
Too many leaders still delegate wellbeing to HR and external consultants. In a world where energy and attention are the real currency, the shift starts with leaders brave enough to do the inner work.
Q: Burnout is sometimes seen as a badge of honour among high achievers. How do you help people reframe that mindset?
A: Many high achievers mistake burnout for resilience. Being the hardest worker, the person who always shows up, feels like strength. Until your body’s whispers become screams and beg you to stop.
We have to stop treating wellbeing as a reward for finishing, and start treating it as a prerequisite for sustainable high performance. Take your daily “meds”: meditation, exercise, diet, sleep. Prioritise you on your list of priorities.
Q: Could you walk us through the Wellbeing Trio and how it addresses root causes of exhaustion?
A: Picture three dancers on stage. Each moves to their own rhythm, yet together they create something magical. That is how wellbeing works in organisations: leaders, individuals and culture, each playing a distinct role, but the magic happens in their dance together. When one dancer stumbles, the entire performance suffers. When all three move in harmony, the extraordinary becomes possible.
Q: What does the ROAR for MOAR Hero’s Journey look like in practice for someone stuck in burnout?
A: If you are stuck in burnout, begin with Step 1 of the ROAR for MOAR Hero’s Journey: hold up the mirror and get honest.
Then move to Step 2: who do you want to be, what do you want and why?
Q: What advice would you give to leaders who want to create thriving, people-centred cultures but feel trapped by performance pressures?
A: Leaders must prioritise the development of their people above all else. To create genuinely high-performing cultures, there must be high challenge and high support, in equal and powerful measure.
Challenge without support burns people out. Support without challenge breeds complacency. And it all starts with leaders who are prepared to do the inner work first.
Q: What advice do you have for those encountering bullies and narcissists, of which you mention several types in ROAR!, and how would you approach these personalities in different settings?
A: First you have to decide whether or not it is safe for you to engage with the bully, whether in the workplace, in a social setting or at home.
If it is safe, use the four-step ROAR process (recognise, observe, assert, redirect). The first step is always to spot (recognise) the bullying behaviour and to observe how it makes you think and feel. This is where you can choose your response: instead of reacting emotionally, choose to respond mindfully (assert and redirect).
Q: If someone is struggling with both bullying and burnout, where should they start — ROAR! or MOAR!?
A: If you are struggling with both bullying and burnout, start with ROAR! It will help you understand the bullying dynamics, spot the behaviour and find the courage to speak up or get out of a toxic environment. If you are further down your path, you do not need to read ROAR!
Chapter one of MOAR! opens with a summary of the ROAR! Blueprint and the four-step ROAR process.
Q: What impact do you hope these books will have on organisations in SA and globally?
A: My deepest hope is that these books change the conversation, from wellbeing as a nice-to-have to wellbeing as a non-negotiable. Energy truly is our greatest currency.
Leaders are carrying enormous weight and workforces are surviving, not thriving. Success is not about doing more, or collecting titles and trophies. Success is becoming who you were born to be.
Q: How do you see the conversation around wellbeing, mental health and courageous leadership evolving in the next decade?
A: We are at an inflection point. The leaders who will thrive will not be those with the most impressive CVs. They will be the ones who know themselves deeply, lead from purpose rather than fear, and can hold complexity without losing themselves.
As AI takes over more of what we thought made us valuable, what remains irreducibly human becomes exponentially more important. Emotional intelligence. Authentic connection. Courageous conversation. These are not soft skills. They are the skills of the future.
Q: How can readers follow you on social media?
A: You can find me online at www.marilise-de-villiers.com, LinkedIn (linkedin.com/in/marilise-de-villiers-basson-9184521a), and My ROAR for MOAR podcast.
Q: Anything else you’d like to tell us?
A: Wherever you find yourself on your own Hero’s Journey, know this: you are not behind, you are exactly where you are supposed to be. This is your moment. No more playing small. Own your magic. Your message matters.